my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
