just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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