she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
