cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
