i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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