i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
