He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
