I bet he comes in French.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
