we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
