Only a mothe r could love this liver
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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