i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
