I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
