I never want to see another naked old woman again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
