Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
