you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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