As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My life is pants optional.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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