How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
