I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
