I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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