so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
