watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's always time for handjobs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
