I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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