Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
