Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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