as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
