im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize