No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize