i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize