I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize