she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
