Small penises have feelings too.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
