She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
