Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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