The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
