Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
