My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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