he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
