Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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