birth control should be required to get into college
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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