There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
