guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
