just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
