they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
