you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
