i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
