i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
