Where did you get a picture of my penis
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
