So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
