Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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