True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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