good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
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I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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