Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
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So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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