i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
