Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize