It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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