I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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