It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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