I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
