Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
