So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
