I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
